


The Treasure

by tvshipsetc



Category: New Amsterdam (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:27:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21575272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tvshipsetc/pseuds/tvshipsetc
Summary: Max and Helen were always meant to be.  Everything that happened to them while they were apart and together, led them to each other.
Relationships: Floyd Reynolds/Helen Sharpe, Max Goodwin & Helen Sharpe, Max Goodwin/Helen Sharpe
Comments: 9
Kudos: 65





	The Treasure

_"But what if I want you?”_  
_“I’m afraid that’s no longer an option.”_

Those words echoed in Max’s mind every time they interacted. Even when Georgia was alive and he’d sense his fatal attraction towards Helen, he’d remind himself that she was closed off to the idea of them. His intention was never to be unfaithful. He was too good of a man to do such a thing and honestly, Helen was worth more.

They remained friends, trying desperately to hide their magnetism toward each other by keeping their conversations strictly professional. Beneath the surface of conversations about the healthcare system or patient’s records, eyes met and were drawn away in awkwardness, breaths became hitched, hands lingered on arms longer than they needed to and soft whispers were used exposing subliminal feelings lips never spoke.

The truth is, it was hard for both of them. Imagine feeling something for someone and trying desperately to pretend that it’s not there. It was like trying to contain a wildfire with just a hose filled with water. The more they tried to put out the flames, the more they seemed to become consumed by their feelings. There was a way he looked at her.

_Attentively. Intensely. Softly._

It wasn’t the look you’d give your coworker. He’d get lost studying the intricacies of her face. If you asked him, he’d probably be able to tell you just how many hairs were on her brows. He’d be able to describe the way she uses her hands to help her express herself more fully or the way she lets out a chuckle in response to his dumb jokes. He was a sucker for someone who could genuinely find humor in his dumb jokes.

Helen was never blind to it. His looks. His attentiveness. Upon realization, she would often become unsettled as his blue eyes caused her to become undone. It roused a sense of fear within her. Fear that their feelings were rushing past them and no amount of denial would prevent the inevitable. They were still falling at a pace she had no control over. Every boundary she tried to put in place was somehow still blurred and their souls were connecting even more despite the walls she built.

And she certainly wasn’t guiltless herself. She studied him harder than she did for any of her board exams. She knew how many crows feet flanked his eyes. She could almost mirror the way he would tilt his head to one side when their conversations would somehow take an unsuspecting turn. She could predict that he’d use humor to cover his fear of the unknown.

And there was a thing he did with his voice. A way he said her name. Tenderly. It’s the only way to describe it and unless you’ve been in love you may not ever understand the description. It’s the way lovers speak to each other. It drew her in to him. Her heart rate would accelerate just at the sound of it. Her pupils would dilate and her palms would become sweaty.

It was love.  
Every look. Every whisper. Every touch.  
It was all love.  
Love between two people who couldn’t and shouldn’t love each other. After all, at that time, Max was married.

But, they knew each other. The way two souls separated before the genesis of time would. They were born in different places, grew up with different families and even went to different high schools. But, one seemingly small decision to pursue medicine, would create a tiny dot on the map to find the treasure-each other’s hearts. And the biggest twists of all-cancer, death and a child- would lead them along a broken road right into each other’s arms.

Perhaps that’s what love does. It fights for us in ways we can never understand. It fights for us even when we think we’ve lost good things and good people. Rest assured, love wins. And if love be the soldier waging war against the armies of loneliness and unhappiness, then by default, we win. Even when we feel like we’ve lost so much, we win. We lose people we love but somehow gain the ones we can truly never be without.

Helen lost Muhammad years prior and no amount of preparation in the world could’ve eased the way the sadness penetrated her heart. Max was the first person, who without prompt, she willingly opened up about his death to. And as if fate was playing some sick joke on them, he lost the love of his life too in a rather twisted turn of events.

_Another dot on the map, leading them to each other_

\---------------

  
The months following Georgia’s demise were never easy. People often say that time heals all wounds as though hours and minutes have the ability to fill the human sized void in the hearts of those grieving loved ones. Maybe, the saying really implies that time brings a new perspective and that perspective merely opens us up again to invite the light we shut out while grieving.

Max was trying to let the light in again. He began opening the blinds in his loft. He no longer found the once coveted NYC skyline off putting in the sunrise. Most days, he would take Luna to Central Park in her stroller while he sat on a bench doing the crossword in the New York Times. He was getting there. Slowly. Finding Max again. Finding the Max whose smile would reach his eyes and whose vigor for life would infect those around him.

But, grief is like a wave. It ebbs and flows. You have good moments and if you’re lucky, you even have good days. Then you see their clothes in the closet or smell their perfume while walking in the street and suddenly fall into the abyss of what ifs and maybes.

One particular night, six months after Georgia died, grief was flowing, showing up in the feeling of complete frustration. Luna would not stop crying. Max tried everything. She refused to feed, she refused to sleep and even singing the song he sang to her while she was in utero failed. Sitting at the edge of the bed at his wits’ end, he picked up his phone and dialed her number from memory. She was the only person he could think of to call. He was too desperate to overthink the fact that he was calling her at 2am. He needed her right at that moment.

With each ring his hope that she’d answer was fading. Just as he was about to hang up, he heard her groaning on the other end. Before a word could escape her lips, he said , “Helen,” with a soft desperation in his voice. The moment she heard him she knew something was wrong. It eerily reminded her of the day Luna was born and she couldn’t get the blood to him in time. Her heart sank. And before he could get another word out, she said, “I’m on my way.”

He hung up walking over to Luna’s cot to try to pacify her. He still wanted to try. He had to try. He was her dad and wanted, no he needed, to be good at parenting. Max Goodwin was never an underachiever and he was feeling like a complete failure simply because he couldn’t soothe his child this one time. The first time in six months.

Soon enough, a key was heard jingling outside the door of his loft and within seconds, a concerned Helen was rushing through the door in a hoodie covering what was obviously her pajama pants and a tank top. Max watched her and managed to crack a small smile. Obviously, she didn’t put much thought into her appearance.

It’s what he valued about her. She ran toward him with such urgency. Nothing about what he was facing ever seemed too trivial to her. He didn’t even tell her what the issue was. At 2am, on a cold night in NYC, she got out of what he would suppose was deep slumber, to be at his side with just the call of her name. How did she do that? How did she know him so well that she knew when he needed help even when he didn’t explicitly ask?

_His savior._

“I came as fast as I could. Luna?” she asked, clearly seeing the visibly upset child in Max’s hands.

“I’ve tried everything. She just wouldn’t stop crying.”

She walked across to him and stood so close to them that the only thing providing any space between them was Luna in his hands. She touched his cheek, “It’s okay. I’m here now.” Max let out a sigh of relief feeling like what was once off kilter in his world was finding its balance again just with Helen’s presence.

_His stability._

Reaching for Luna out of his hands she began rocking her back and forth in her arms.

“When last did she feed?”

“Maybe two hours ago. I tried to feed her but she refused,” Max said sounding a little less composed than he typically is.

“Let’s get you cleaned up cutie and then we’d try again. You’re a good baby, aren’t you?,” Helen said to Luna while she was still screaming at the top of her lungs. Helen was completely zoned in and appeared completely in control of the situation. It wasn’t something to be argued-this baby thing came naturally to her. She took her over to the change table, changed her diaper, put her in some new clothes and rubbed soothing baby lotion all over her skin. When Helen wrapped her in the blanket as tightly as she could, her cries began to lull.She sat on the chair and began feeding Luna who, by this time, was clearly very hungry. In no time her bottle was finished and she was slowly falling asleep. Helen clutched her tightly to her chest and swayed with her rubbing her back in small circles. She closed her eyes embracing the fullness of the moment when a small tear trickled down her face. Max was standing at the doorpost looking at her and his feelings in that moment caused his mind to drift back to months prior.

Zurah.

He realized that had to be the reason she was crying. He took a seat next to her. When she felt his presence next to her she began reaching to wipe the tear that was streaming down her face.

“Hey, it’s fine. It’s okay if you want to cry,” Max said tenderly.

She rolled her eyes, upset at herself for making him see her that way.

“Helen, I’ve seen you vulnerable before. It’s really okay. I won’t ask you what’s wrong because I know. You remembered Zurah.”

“How did you-,” she asked in a soft voice, unable to complete her question before Max cut her off.

“I just knew. I saw it. I hate to be the one to say this but, everything happens for a reason. The universe is still trying to tell you something. Just listen.”

She furrowed her brow in confusion as she struggled to decipher what he meant. He looked at her and mouthed the words, “thank you” as his eyes made its way down to a sleeping Luna and back up to Helen.

“Don’t worry about it. My pleasure.”

She gripped Luna even more tightly to her chest closing her eyes, letting the weight of this moment ground her. Her desire for a child didn’t change. She just became distracted by other things. When she felt like Luna was completely asleep, she gently placed her in the crib next to the rocking chair. Looking up at the time, she realized it was already 4am.

She dropped herself on his couch appearing just a little exhausted. She had a tough day at work and hadn’t really decompressed. She just bottled it all up and slept, hoping that whatever she felt would be undone when the sun hit her eyes the next morning. Max could see there was something going on with her. Something more than him bringing up Zurah. He sat next to her and looked at her the way only he could. _Attentively. Intensely. Tenderly._ She was staring outside the window into the darkness . She felt his eyes glued on her. He didn’t say anything. He was just waiting for her to feel comfortable enough to offload whatever was weighing her down.

“I had a rough day yesterday. It’s been four years.”

Max watched her puzzled trying to figure it out. Helen saw the confused look on his face.

“M-Muhammad.”

The moment she said his name her eyes were brimming with tears and she immediately raised her hand to try to wipe them away.

“I-I thought I was okay, you know. I thought I knew how to grieve but every time I feel like I’m over it, the anniversary of his death makes me relive all the pain I felt that day. I-I just miss him. Terribly. Especially yesterday and today. I’m not sure how I survived the last few years. I was walking around suffocating myself with all this pain until a few months ago. I talked about him for the first time in years, with you in my office. Thank you for that.”

She managed to look at Max and he too had tears streaming down his face. All that managed to escape his lips was, “I know how you feel.” Those weren’t empty words said by someone who really didn’t understand. He did. He completely understood how she felt. To lose someone you love without any preparation or warning is probably the worst thing one could experience. Preparing for the best time of your life to only suffer through the worst time-alone. And still, their situations were different. Max had a constant reminder with him everyday. Luna looked just like her mom. Something he still hadn’t gotten used to. If he were honest, he’d probably never get used to it.

With both their heads now facing the window with a perfect view of the NYC skyline, the sun was rising at 6am. Simultaneously their hands reached out for one another and their grip was firm. Her hand on top of his. A signal that she wanted to be the stronger one for his fresh wounds. But he wouldn’t let her. He took his other hand and covered hers. A sign that he was all in. She smiled but withheld her words. She didn’t want to admit the truth her heart could easily decipher.

The light was coming in.

_His sunshine._

_Another day, another moment, another dot on the map to find each other._

\------------------

That simple gesture opened up new levels to their relationship. Soon enough, Helen found herself spending all of her time outside of work helping Max with Luna. She’d get off work at 5pm and be at his loft by 6pm ready to give Luna a bath and feed her just in time for her 8pm bedtime. She became the designated person to put Luna to bed at night. It became such a routine for both her and Luna that one night, when she couldn’t get off work early, Luna literally refused to sleep until she got there at 9pm. She fit into their lives so seamlessly that it was almost as if she was meant to belong to them all along. Something Max was slowly beginning to realize except- them, together, was no longer an option

Her relationship with Akash had long fizzled, even before Georgia died, and truthfully Helen had given up on dating. She was so preoccupied with Max and Luna that she knew it would be hard to explain to any man just how special their dynamic was. As for her quest for a sperm donor, that too was on hold because she struggled to find anyone to match her ideals. She wanted to choose someone that she didn’t mind her child emulating and everyone just seemed to fall short of her expectations. It begged the question, what were her expectations anyway? Who was she measuring those men by? She hadn’t yet fully accepted what she was doing. Denial is easier to live with than the truth that you’ve avoided for so long.

One day, more than a year after Georgia’s death, Reynolds walked into her office just as she finished face timing Max and Luna at lunchtime. He whispered his two cents in her ear.

“Catching up with your family?” he asked inquisitively.

“No, it was just Max and Luna. He thought she wanted to say hi.”

“I know who it was.”

She looked at him puzzled. “So why did you-”

“Helen, you don’t get it. Do you? You’ve literally been acting like Luna’s mom for the last nine months. You leave work and go to their apartment. You put her to bed. You facetime them during the day when Max is only on the other side of the building with Luna in the nursery. Outside of seeing your patients, you have the most interaction with Max and Luna. The child looks at you like you’re her mom. She leaps out of her dad’s arms to find solace in yours. She cries when anyone else, save for Max, tries to pry her away from you. Max told me just last week that he thinks she’s pretty attached to you.”

“I never meant for that to happen. I was just trying to help,” she said apologetically appearing visibly upset at the realization.

“Hey, it’s okay. I wasn’t trying to upset you but just get you to see that maybe you already have what you’ve been wanting all along. It’s been right in front of you this whole time. Maybe you are just too close to see it.”

Floyd turned on his heels leaving Helen at her desk battling her feelings and thoughts on everything he just said. She stormed out of her office making her way to the rooftop to just breathe. This was too much and she needed a hideout. A place where no one would get to her, to just think for a bit.

_______________

  
Opening the door and feeling the cold front of air hit her face she just breathed. For the first time in ten minutes she let out a big deep breath. With the cityscape before her, she focused on the way the sunlight reflected off the glass windows of the office buildings. She found some unexplained serenity being immersed in so much light. A warm hand rested on her shoulder and she was scared stupid. She jumped with fright turning around to find Max with a mischievous grin on his face.

“I didn’t mean to-”

“Save it. You did.”

“What has you all hot and bothered? I only spoke to you twenty minutes ago and you were fine.”

“First of all, it isn’t you.”

He put his hand on his chest pretending to be visibly hurt by her denial.

“Please, I’m sure it is.”

She rolled her eyes at him. He was so unbelievably cocky about his importance.

“I just needed some air. And some alone time to just think and process things. Weigh my options.”

“You do know that this is our place right. You can’t come here and expect to be alone. I’m the only other person who comes here to think so it must have occurred to you that there was at least a 50% chance that you’d run into me.”

“Actually, it didn’t Max. I thought you were still in the nursery with Luna.”

“I left the nursery because I wanted to think and this is where I find the most clarity. Or confusion.”

She smirked looking at him bewildered. He read her and realized it flew over her head. They stood in silence for about a minute just taking in the view when Max couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“Helen….” he said barely above a whisper.

He was so quiet she didn’t even hear him although he stood right next to her. He grabbed her right hand with his left, saying her name again. Only this time, he was more confident and direct.

“Helen.”

She looked at him but her facial expression quickly turned from annoyance to fear when she saw the tenderness in his eyes that mirrored the night the clairvoyant told them that her predictions were probably wrong.

She knew.

She looked down trying to avoid his gaze but his hand found her chin and lifted it gently so her eyes could meet his again.

“I need you to look at me.”

“I can’t,” she said, shaking her head to avoid his attentive gaze. She was feeling it again. Her feelings were rushing pass her and every time his eyes fluttered and his hand gripped hers a little tighter she knew that she was getting to the place where she couldn’t deny them anymore. She was losing her control and she was trying, again, on the same rooftop, to claim it back.

“How long are we going to do this?”

She feigned ignorance.

“Do what Max?” she asked in a scared and borderline frustrated voice.

“This,” he said moving his arms back and forth between them.

“More than a year ago someone told me that I couldn’t choose and that I had to. I wish I understood at that moment what life was about to do to me. I was placed in an impossible situation and I had to choose. I know how you felt that day. Choosing. Choosing to remain true to your morals and values. Choosing to do anything to keep me alive because I couldn’t even choose myself. You chose me. When you left me here after I asked about wanting you, you chose me. It took me a whole year to realize how many moments after that you chose me. I don’t quite know how or if I would’ve survived-”

Max stops to clear his throat and his eyes well up with tears as his voice cracks. By this time tears were streaming down Helen’s face and she was breathing slowly and deeply trying to remain calm.

“I don’t quite know how or if I would’ve survived without you. It’s what I love about you. You help me prioritize myself. You’ve been my happy place, my stability and my savior since I’ve known you. My confidant, my best friend, my doctor, my deputy medical director, Luna’s favorite person, my sunshine on my worst days. Helen, you are all of the above to me. I’ve made up my mind. I’m not letting you leave anymore. I’m choosing. I’m choosing this. I’m choosing you. I’m choosing us. I want you and I’m sure of it. There isn’t anyone else I’d want to do this messy and unpredictable life with than you. You’re everything to me and fate brought us together. I love you.”

Helen’s eyes were locked in on Max. The more she looked at him, the more she cried. Her feelings weren’t rushing pass her anymore. She was catching up to them. She closed her eyes, feeling the weight of everything she ever felt for him hit her. She felt the pain of potentially losing him to cancer, the pain of letting him go so he could live, the joy of being around him and Luna and the excitement of finding love again. Max could see her fighting it and trying to overthink it. He wasn’t going to lose her again. Not today. Not ever. He grabbed her hand tighter, closing in the minimal distance between them and said, “Helen, you’re not going to lose me. I’m here and I’m yours. I want you.”

She closed her eyes and she breathed deeply and slowly. Before she could say anything, she began shaking her head reassuringly to signal that she was accepting it. She opened her now bloodshot eyes and looked up at him.

“I want you too.”

“Whew, took you long enough,” Max said jokingly.

He smirked and finally, she laughed through her tears. She got up on her toes, he grabbed her by the waist, and for the first time, their lips locked. Her lips brushed his and after a light peck, they both felt secure enough to give each other access. She breathed him in while their lips danced across each other with slow intimacy. This was new to them, but what they found, even in a kiss, amazed them. This kiss, was only an outward expression of what their hearts felt when they shared all those vulnerable moments together. His tongue slowly made its way into her mouth. It wasn’t sloppy but she bit it teasing him just a little to make him feel like she had more control. He reciprocated when she tried to slide hers in his, causing her to laugh into the kiss. When they both became satisfied that they’d left a mark on each other, they pulled away simultaneously. Helen looked at him again, her pupils maximally dilated, biting her bottom lip, cupping his face with her hands, she said softly, “I love you Max Goodwin.”

He looked at her seeing the genuine expression behind her words almost unable to believe that this was actually happening.

“I love you Helen Sharpe,” dropping a kiss on her forehead as he pulled her in and she rest her head on his chest. They turned toward the New York cityscape watching the sunlight in its glory. Simultaneously sighing, they both realized that this rooftop was always going to be a part of their epic love story.

The first time she decided to be his doctor. The first time she let him go. The first time she made him smile on one of his worst days. The first time they admitted they loved each other.

A hideout became _their_ hideout. A place where they decided they were never letting each other go. Finally, they found the treasure-each other.


End file.
